Comments on: A Small Case Against Online Dating

By: Sherry

Sherry — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 18:06:06 +0000

This was a good discussion and interesting, with input from several people. I hope others will keep this going, adding various perspectives regarding positive and negative experiences and opinions regarding this fairly recent phenomenon of online dating.

By: InvernessLass

InvernessLass — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 17:02:04 +0000

It’s a pity I found this article only years later.. There’s another one about the subject and that’s it (http://merlinscot.blogspot.com/2011/09/why-its-bad-idea-signing-up-for-dating.html). Don’t know why it’s a taboo to talk badly about dating sites, most of them are providing only fake profiles and fake information about people who in real life will be a lot different from what they published on the site.

I used many dating sites and deleted all my accounts after 2 weeks i had signed up for them. It was really a freak circus and never regretted to have done so.

By: Jackie

Jackie — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 14:39:50 +0000

Great points here. I am currently using 2 online dating sites and have tried others before. I will say that meeting people in person, of course, is the best way to go. So why do I use it? Because I’m busy working all the time and being a mom and I just am not able to get out much to meet people. I’m a nice looking woman, intelligent, sweet, who wears her heart on her sleeve and is searching for a soulmate. My experience so far has not been that great with it…had my heart broke twice already with people I actually dated a few months. The problem with it, particularly with men I think, is they become “addicted” to these sites. They find a great woman, date her….but instead of putting their “all” into what they have found, there is this little “prize” online that they can always refer back to which feeds into their sexual desires to “sample”. Just because it’s so easy. I met a man a few weeks ago. We had a fabulous first date and there were lots of sparks and we plan to meet again tomorrow. We’ve texted a lot, talked on the phone, and have both said we are excited to see where things go. However, already, there are trust issues for me. The site I am on allows a person to see when another person is online or when they have last been online. Whereas I was willing to take myself off in order to see where dating this man ends up, he is still on there! Not only is he on there but he hops on there 3 to 4 times a day for long periods of time. So my thoughts are: “What is he doing? Lining up dates with different women every night? Engaging in online sex talk? Am I not good enough for him to give me a chance first?” This feeds into all those mistrust issues that can develop in a relationship. Only you are faced with them right in the beginning! So now, I feel uneasy about our second date. I feel like maybe I should not even look at this man as a potential soul mate…I feel he may be just a serial dater (he is very good looking) or just looking for free sex. I mean, honestly, online dating is probably putting hookers out of business! But yet these men state they are interested in “long-term” relationships. That’s the bait they use to hook the women who really want this, like myself. So I don’t know. I have met about five people in life who have married off these sites so I know it is possible. But I think to myself, how much abuse do I have to endure with this process to get that?? Is it worth it?

By: Fifi

Fifi — Sat, 21 May 2011 16:01:20 +0000

I am totally against online dating and am strongly discouraging anyone who wants to try it. I wish there were more serious articles and opinions published about that. Of course dating services will not show them to you as they would jeopardize business. I recently read something about 5 types of perpetually single men by Match.com. There was no place to comment on this article – otherwise I would have shared with Match that perpetually single men comprised 80% of their male customers. My 5 years experience with 6 dating sites was nothing but UTTERLY disappointing and unpleasant, and waste of time and money too. And yes, Bluejay, I feel the same way you do – I think that it was dumb of me to even try it. I am attractive, educated, have a good job. All I wanted was to find a man to spend my life with, and possibly have a family. I never played games or lied about my age, appearance or intentions, and I do not think I deserved all the b**s**t I was exposed to.

I was very careful when I contacted/responded/met in person with guys I was matched with online. Nothing ever ever ever worked out. And you know why? Because the men with serious intentions have already met their girls. They are not online. I know personally only two couples who met via Internet, got married, had kids, and are still together. I know tons of people who tried it without success. I also know tons of people with uncontrolled mental and behavioral disorders who are online!

Finally, I met my boyfriend of 3 years in real life and we live happily together now. I would have never met him online because he’s never tried dating sites. Smart man.

By: Bluejay

Bluejay — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 01:08:56 +0000

Internet dating sites….three times I’ve been dumb enough to try them, over a period of five years. I must have sent hundreds of emails and spend hard earnt money.I met four women all of whom were disappointing. The first (the best) was a nice enough lady, just not my type. No2 was so different from her photo I made my excuses and left after 15 minutes. No3 was a vicious guard dog, after 3 months I finally realised why and never spoke to her again. Finally No4. 30lbs heavier than her numerous airbrushed photos, ten years older looking, a compulsive liar from the start and on the verge of a breakdown. Yes everybody lies but not to the mind bending extent they do when sat at a computer screen…..The upside of the whole piece of s**t that is Internet dating is I now realise I am an articulate, attractive and still young man, who is perfectly capable of walking up to a girl in a bar and saying those immortal words,’would you like to dance?’ So, so easy, gentlemen!

By: Aimee

Aimee — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 21:21:14 +0000

I am going to be very blunt and explicit in this matter.

First let me speak to the ladies: Ladies we wear panty hose,bras, and the high heels to look good for our men. We experience the monthly menustration, along with the bloatiness, cramps, and fatigue that comes with it. First time sex from what I’ve heard isn’t exactly a walk in the park. For 9 months we experience the discomforts of carrying children. Then when the little one decides to arrive we labor in pain giving birth. But it doesn’t stop there, there are the discomforts of nursing the child for months after that. Getting up in the middle of the night just to feed these little ones. Sooooo if the only thing a man has to endure is to ask us out, then it must be rough!!!!!

Now to the men! I don’t want a coward who has to hide behind his computer screen to get a date with me. If you aren’t man enough to approach me and take the initiative to ask me out in person, then what other things will you not be able to be man enough about once we get married. I want a strong man, not a wimp as someone else stated.

50% of all men on these dating websites are married. And everyone, including myself, falsifies what they say on their profiles whether it be eHarmony or Facebook. Some of the things I say about myself on my page is who I want to be, who I am not yet, and the type of people I want around me. Our intention may not be to falsify, but who outwardly shares their flaws?

Women should never be doing the pursuing. That’s the man’s job! Men should be observing the character of a woman that can’t be seen through a computer screen. I’ve had guy friends go to the girl’s pastor, friends, etc to get references regarding the girl before asking her out. Jacob observed Rachel! Queen Esther had notable character.

If you are a girl, and you are not being asked out, then you have 2 focuses. First of all, the time you spend thinking about your singleness and online dating should be redirected in developing your personal relationship with God and having a more appealing character. Secondly, be invested in your church, volunteering, and places you are most likely to meet Christians.

I have friends that invest much of their time on these internet sites in a city inwhich the majority of people are singles in their 20s and 30s. I get asked out all of the time, and they go all of the same places I go and then some. God has for centuries been able to match people long before the internet came about. The bottom line is that if you trust that he has a plan for you and knows the desires of your heart, then he will not leave you high and dry. He is able to do what seems like the impossible to you.

By: Michael

Michael — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 06:15:47 +0000

Most of the women I went on a date with we didn’t have any chemistry. The pictures, profile, emails, and phone conversation went well; yet the date did’t. I got all hyped up thinking I found an attractive quality girl then we meet and they are extremely shy. I have had girls that didn’t seem interested in me at the time try to see me again. So I gave it a shot thinking she was just nervous and the date went bad again. This isn’t jr. high, you have to put yourself out there socially and get to know each other and not act like a scared kid. All of my girlfriends I have met was when I was in school or out and about with friends. We would just shoot each other a look and knew it was on.

By: Stephen Ma

Stephen Ma — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 03:17:27 +0000

good on you mate. i thought i was going insane when i insist the best way is the old fashioned way.

so you get rejected in person. it’s tough, but it only confirms that he/she is not the one and that you should be strong, hold your head up high, smile and live to find (not look for) another day.

By: Joe

Joe — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:33:31 +0000

We met online, sort of by accident.In a short time we became very close and the intimacy was wonderful. It wasn’t a sexual intimacy, but a genuine desire to know and be a part of each other. It was the chance meeting of a lifetime on a Christian dating website. In the beginning, she was shy and reserved, but within two months she was wanting to have very detailed and very sexual conversations. Soon after, I found her listed on other dating sites, which was something she hadn’t mentioned before and when confronted, said it was only to “meet new friends.”
My advice, keep it real, and keep it in person!

By: Steve

Steve — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 20:00:42 +0000

I’ve glanced at several dating sites. I have participated in one. I am not sure if it is for me.

Some questions:

Who is wise enough to pick out one from so many? Unless God gives me a sign, how am I to know?

Are long distant relationships a good thing? I guess I am too cheap to hop on a plane to go on a date. I could afford it if I knew for a fact that there was some chemistry or sign from God.

Who else is looking at my profile? Sure, if you are from a big city it is probably no big thing. But, I am from a small town and it is a little embarrasing for me to have others know some intimate details of my life. Maybe it is nothing ventured nothing gained? I dunno…

I find that I fall in love very easily with the pictures.(i’m a man).

My first question in my mind to the women is, “why did you divorce in the first place?”
And, the question to myself is,”Am I any better than your first husband?” “You are sure to find faults in me as well.”

I’d rather not go through another divorce. I’m hoping that God will point out the right one I am to persue. Like He did with Abraham’s servant. I guess He could do that on the web as well as in person?

These are my rantings/thoughts.