I have been thinking a lot about food lately. This is because I am not getting any. My wife, you see, recently put me on a diet. It is an interesting diet of her own devising that essentially allows me to eat anything I want so long as it contains no fat, cholesterol, sodium, or calories and isn’t tasty. In order to keep me from starving altogether, she went to the grocery store and bought everything that had “bran” in its title. I am not sure, but I believe I had bran cutlets for dinner last night. I am very depressed.
—Bill Bryson, I’m a Stranger Here Myself (Broadway Books: 1999), p. 222.